Monsieur Boner

Somewhere along the line, I picked up this marginally amusing factette: Kirk Cameron's parents used to vet "Growing Pains" scripts to make sure none of the episodes veered too far astray of their Bible-thumping moral code. I can't remember if I read this morsel of "information" or saw it on TV, but, whatever the case, I'm certain I'd be embarrassed to reveal my original source.

Anyway, here's what I don't understand: if Kirky-poo's parents had veto-power over "Growing Pains" scripts, why the hell didn't they flex their Jesus-muscle when the writers decided to name one of Mike Seaver's best friends "Boner"? Does it get any cruder than that? Would they have remained similarly mum if the writers had given Carol a friend named "Cum"? Maybe they would've drawn the line at Ben's having a play-buddy named "Clitothy McG-Spot." The thing is, if "Boner" was perfectly kosher, what could possibly have provoked objection?

The Cameron clan's selective moral laxity aside, I've often wondered how it was that a prime-time family sitcom on one of the Big Three networks got the green light to name a dude after an erection. By that point in the evolution of American slang, I'm pretty damn sure that the word "boner" had taken on the unambiguous meaning of a penis at full-staff. Along with "woody" and "hard-on", "boner" is one of the only colloquial terms I can remember using to describe an erection. Indeed, at the time the show aired, I'd have to say "boner" was (and probably still is) THE word of choice among elementary and middle school aged kids for that particular engorged state of male sexual arousal. It's just not possible that the "Growing Pains" writers were oblivious to this.

Maybe they got stoned the night they were including Boner's character in an episode for the first time and slap-happily conspired to slip one past the out-of-touch, old-geezer network censors, who perhaps weren't familiar with how the "kids" of the day were referring to stiffened sex organs. If so, good form.

Rock on, Boner....